Ideas to prompt a reply--use or ignore:
Introduction
1. What do you believe are the main causations for the shocking statistics in the introduction?
2. What do you believe are the pros and cons with traditional discipline measures?
3. The quote: “Emotional regulation isn’t instinctive; it’s learned,” is a common theme in the book. How
might this quote contradict traditional approaches to discipline?
Hack 1: Let’s Talk
1. Students don’t always have a voice when they get in trouble. Why is this problematic?
2. What is the importance of open-ended questions when talking to a child that got “in trouble”? Provide
examples.
3. What is the importance of repairing the harm?
4. What are some of the difficulties you’ve had having restorative conversations with kids? What are some
possible solutions?
Hack 2: Circle Up
1. What is the problem with sending a student out of the classroom? Reflect on some personal examples. 2. Why should we do circles even when there is not a discipline issue? 3. What are some circles best practices and why?
4. How might you make time for circles?
Introduction
ReplyDelete1. What do you believe are the main causations for the shocking statistics in the introduction? First and foremost I think the main cause of this statistic is people don’t know how to have relationships anymore. They hide their faces behind screens and use those screens to “communicate” their problems. Children then see their parents doing this and never learn how to properly deal with problems and emotions. This then spills over into their school life when something happens. They’ve never been taught strategies that help them calm down or express what they are feeling so their behavior becomes irrational and results in a suspension or expulsion.
2. What do you believe are the pros and cons with traditional discipline measures? I believe that the traditional discipline system is important when it comes to older students who are ready to enter into the real world. Once they enter college and workforce the rules that they encounter are that of a traditional discipline system. The same is true for laws and regulations. While they still have the option to repair their relationships and make amends for the situation they aren’t able to negotiate the consequences in most scenarios. That being said I think the cons of traditional discipline are they’re not set up like a court proceeding where students can appeal, plea, and discuss what happened.
3. The quote: “Emotional regulation isn’t instinctive; it’s learned,” is a common theme in the book. How might this quote contradict traditional approaches to discipline? I feel as though traditional discipline is creating instinctive regulation in students. They learn if they do x behavior y will happen and are never forced to confront the emotions behind the behavior. They’re masking their emotions with behaviors and not learning from the experiences.
I agree that it seems that culturally communication skills, the art of conversation and of building and maintaining relationships have gone by the wayside and we all are suffering. Bandaids are given out but true healing and change only happens when we wrestle with the causes.
DeleteI agree too. We hide behind screens and forget that constructive conversation are learned through play. We are hyper sensitive. We have not compassion for each other.
DeleteHack 1: Let’s Talk
ReplyDelete1. Students don’t always have a voice when they get in trouble. Why is this problematic? If students don’t get to talk through situations they don’t ever completely get resolved. If a student is told you said a bad word so you now have lunch detention are they really learning not to say the word or why saying the word is wrong? Furthermore there may be an underlying issue happening where the student gets lunch detention on purpose because they’re trying to avoid seeing someone, noise level, or just want time to themself.
2. What is the importance of open-ended questions when talking to a child that got “in trouble”? Provide examples. Open ended questions result in uncomfortable dialogue that gets to the route of the problem while also addressing the current situation. This is an actual conversation that happened in my classroom last year. Handing out paper for a project Boy A: “I got pink! I love pink!” Boy B: “Yeah you love pink because you’re a *insert derogatory name* Me: Pulls Boy B into the hall: “Why did you call Boy A that?” Boy B: “I don’t know.” Me: “There had to be a reason to call him that. It’s ok to tell me and help me better understand the situation.” Boy B: “My mom says that word all the time when she’s angry. Boy A use to be my best friend now we barely hang out anymore. Today he was picking on me at lunch and I’m still upset.” Me: “Ok. Do you know what that word means?” Boy B: “No but I’m guessing it’s not a very nice thing to say if I’m out here with you having this conversation.” Me: “You’re right it’s not a nice thing to say. I understand you’re upset and we can work through that but I want you to think about how Boy A feels.” Boy B: “I guess you’re right. I should apologize to Boy A and talk to him.” Me: “That’s a start. Please don’t let me hear you use that word again.” I learned a lot about Boy B from this situation. He was feeling left out and upset and didn’t know how to handle those emotions. He chose to react to it in a way he’d seen his mom do which resulted in him getting in trouble. Had I not used open ended questions the situation probably would have gotten him a different consequence.
3. What is the importance of repairing the harm? Without repairing the harm we’ve never really fully healed from the situation. I think about the fact that you hear kids say I hate so and so and they’re so mean. But when you ask them why it’s because they’ve heard from someone else that they’ve done this horrible thing. More often than not that horrible thing was actually something minor four years ago. The relationships aren’t repaired resulting in other relationships never forming and the cycle continues. It’s difficult to work through hard situations but the end result is crucial to preventing even deeper problems.
4. What are some of the difficulties you’ve had having restorative conversations with kids? What are some possible solutions?The most difficult thing I’ve encountered are kids don’t want to be uncomfortable so they just shut down. They’d rather say nothing at all than feel awkward about what they are talking about. It’s not even that they don’t take it seriously they just don’t know how to be awkward. I think the best way to help a kid through that is to show them how to be awkward. That might be an activity where everyone feels awkward but gains confidence.
Wow Nicole you are being wicked thorough. Thanks for the thoughtful responses. I agree that kids (and adults) shut down when things get uncomfortable. I am wondering if maybe that is part of my reluctance to buy into circles so much because I feel that I might not handle the facilitation of these circles perfectly. I do think the modeling is important. Not only is the modeling not necessarily happening at home, it isn't happening on tv either and we are in desperate need of models of empathy. What a great point that all being awkward together is important. Too often we rush in and save each other from hard situations and we rob them, then of solving problems on their own. I also think students need to see that the lives projected on social media are not always accurate and as such, set impossible standards.
DeleteI never thought about that..."kids don't know how to be awkward". I never really thought about it. I have always thought they didn't want to talk.
DeleteHack 2: Circle Up
ReplyDelete1. What is the problem with sending a student out of the classroom? Reflect on some personal examples. Students that get sent out of the classroom lose valuable class time, don’t have the option of repairing relationships, and alienate the student from the larger issue. This question always makes me think about this student I encountered when I was student teaching. He constantly wanted to use homework passes so he didn’t need to put in any effort for class. This would result in him constantly failing quizzes and tests. I then wouldn’t accept homework passes and stopped giving them out to help fix the problem. This student took it personal and would act out in class. The behavior would become so bad that I would have no choice but to send him to the office. This then spilled over into subbing afterwards all because our relationship was damaged.
2. Why should we do circles even when there is not a discipline issue? I think circles allow us to answer the what do I need to know that I don’t know that can help to solve this problem. More often than not the situations that are happening in class are caused in part by something outside of class.
3. What are some circles best practices and why? They allow subissues to be resolved without creating new ones. They also allow for your insight into students lives and emotions. How often do we wonder why two students stopped being friends or why a certain student seems to constantly have issues. This practice helps us see that.
4. How might you make time for circles? I think you start this practice on Monday’s as a week opener and Friday’s as an ending week closer. This allows students to really become comfortable and learn the practice so when it’s needed you can do it quickly. I also think this is a great practice to maybe start with scenarios that happen with role play cards. You use it to teach skills that might otherwise seem unobtainable.
I like the idea of week opener and week ender as a way to ease in. I agree so much of what happens is a result of outside the class situations. This is true for teachers as well. Lord knows I have a hard time finding patience when I left the house fuming about something that happened there.
DeleteWhen student are heard they feel valued and part of the community. Circles do take a lot of time but I have found they are worth it to build trust and empathy, two things teens have a hard time with.
DeleteOk, It's lunch and I just closed the book on page 48 and my head is spinning. I am trying hard to stay positive but am feeling quite conflicted. I see the value in building relationships, in modeling a civil way of solving problems, of building community, of developing clear and open communication and sharing the responsibilities of maintaining order and respect but dang, where is the time? I know they talk about how frontloading and investing time at the beginning of the year will pay off in spades but I still have concerns about calling circles in the midst of class. I already struggle to get a lesson in in 40 minutes, I feel to give up the recommended 2-10 minutes for a circle, even if it is only infrequently, is a sacrifice. As I am writing this, however, I am thinking it's probably worth a shot as I want to live in a world where people possess these skills of clear communication and of mutual respect.Then as I flip back through I am seeing the suggestion to start each morning with circle time in class I am flummoxed. Umm, I do not have the luxury of having kids all day so this would mean circling up at least once a week and again the time factor is killing me. As I review my annotations for the first hack I have to admit that I sound a bit selfish in wondering about the excess time expected to be taken out of my own personal time to make time for mediations. I feel a bit like teaching is starting to be synonymous with counseling and that I am ill equipped for it. On the other hand, I already do much of the suggested mediation type stuff if a student is asked to sit in the hall. I always look for his/her side of the story in a factual way. I think there is power in facilitating a meeting with all involved but I can NOT come in 20 minutes earlier, I feel like my lunch is a no go. Perhaps tenth periods (but I am assigned mandatory 10th students) or perhaps team time but then, the minis lose the kids... I am not sure what the answer is and I know relationships are important and empowering the kids by giving them voice and agency is the key. I am lost in the logistics though.
ReplyDeleteNot having the same kids all day is a problem. Finding time is difficult. This year I had to find the time or lose my mind. Something will give and they won't be as prepared for state testing or 9th grade academics but I had to sacrifice something for the global good.
DeleteBut maybe they will be more prepared as they will have gained skills like confidence and trust. I think this time is well spent especially in a classroom setting such as yours. I think it would be well spent in one like mine too. I think I'm a little scared to give up the time or maybe even to try it and then not be able to keep up with it....
DeleteI was thinking the same thing. I really believe that the circle up would work better in a block schedule. Although I feel as though I read but I could be wrong that you could assign a mediator to the group that's not necessarily you but someone else. So maybe that could be an assigned duty for someone to hold peer mediations, not that we don't have enough things to do.
ReplyDelete